Lawnmower Man

It's been a good while since I threw a decent post up on here, so I decided to make amends tonight while I nurse a Modelo Especial. This evening was warm and beautiful, April and I gathered herbs and greens from the garden together and the chickens put themselves up in the coop. It helps to make up for the roller coaster ride the past couple of weeks have seemed like here on the farm. The ride began last Tuesday when I finally found a decent used lawn tractor for sale. I had been looking about a month for a good deal on a old riding mower, the search was complicated by my complete ignorance of how to tell if one was in good working order and my paranoia that whichever one I decided to buy would suffer a complete mechanical breakdown as soon as I brought it home. It would be easier to just break down and fork over upwards of $1000 to get a new one at Lowe's but now that I have been in Appalachia for almost a year, I have grown to despise the idea of purchasing anything new when you can get a used one fer cheap. So, I put out feelers with my new friends at the Lions Club and heard about a local dude who is known for buying broken down mowers, fixing em up and selling them at reasonable prices. The amazing thing is that this dude is legally blind, he's like the Stevie Wonder of lawnmower repair. I called him up, explained what I was looking for in terms of the steep terrain and how many acres I would be mowing and he told me he would holler when something appropriate came his way. On a rainy Tuesday afternoon, he rang to tell me he had an old Craftsman 46" cut with enough power to handle a plow and a snowblade. I headed over to his place, excited like a kid about to go downstairs on Christmas morning. When I pulled up his drive and laid eyes on the machine, my heart sank with disappointment. The machine was beat, each of the front tires leaned hard in a different direction like sullen teenage thugs against a corner store alley. The lights were busted out, the seat looked like it had been requisitioned from a Big Wheels and if it could be described in just one word that word would probably be rusty. I knew he had replaced the deck belt but after looking over the engine, it didn't look like he had done much else. Actually, he went and grabbed 2 quarts of oil and told me that since he didn't have time to change the oil on her I could have the oil for FREE to do it myself provided I pay $400 for the mower. I took it for a brief test mow which did little to quell my serious reservations but the thing did seem to work and my eagerness to mow was beginning to chip away at my common sense. Before I had really come to a decision, the blind dude exclaimed, "He'll take it!" and his assistant Chip had began setting up the ramps to push it into my truck bed. I wasn't too excited about bringing it home because I had no idea how I would get it back out of my truck since I didn't have any ramps of my own. My lack of excitement was compounded when we couldn't push the ancient 800lb behemoth far enough forward to actually close the tailgate because the deck was getting stuck on my wheel well. He must have been as determined to be rid of that mower as I was foolish, because I didn't argue when he produced some plastic twine he claimed could tow a truck and proceeded to tie the huge machine into the truck bed with string. In one of those weird dazes you find yourself in before withdrawing more money from the casino ATM or taking something out of the hotel minibar, I pulled out my wallet and counted out 4 crisp $100 bills and handed them to Stevie Wonder. He even let me borrow his ramps to unload it once I got home. As I pulled out of his driveway, I was already feeling pangs of regret. I actually stopped the truck and hopped out to ask if he was sure that his wonder twine would hold the weight of the mower driving up our steep driveway, of course it would he assured me. Driving home, God's hand must have been holding the mower in place ensuring no innocent lives would be lost with it flying out the back of the truck and through some poor bastard's windshield. Just as I rounded the second to last turn before our street, with a little too much speed, my luck ran out. The sound of super-strength twine snapping rang out like a gunshot and then the sickening, familiar crunch of sheet metal on metal as the Craftsman introduced itself to the front of my truck bed. I hopped out to survey the damage and was amazed that my back window had survived intact, I was finally able to close the tailgate now and adjusted the ramps to lock the mower in place as much as possible. When I finally got up our driveway and managed to unload the beast without crushing myself like a bug, I discovered it would not start. I would describe the many things I tried to remedy this or the many curses I uttered while doing them, but to make a long story a little shorter I just called the blind dude back and told him I wanted my money back. Despite his no money back guarantee, I got back my 4 Franklins and the cursed Craftsman was returned.

Despite this bummer of an introduction to buying a used mower, I was still looking forward to celebrating our 4th anniversary. We made a weekend of it: sushi dinner at Umi, hiking with the dogs, Carowinds, driving the Blue Ridge Parkway and grilling out on our porch. It was the most fun you can pack into 4 days without getting on a plane or breaking the law.

asparagus & goat cheese "sushi"

But after our special weekend was through, I still needed a mower. Our place was beginning to resemble an overgrown jungle with waist high weeds in our back orchard and I was sure snakes were beginning to lurk in that grass. A buddy of mine from our Master Gardener class called me to tell me that he had found a great deal on an old Lowe's mower while he was driving around. I called up the guy who was selling it and made arrangements to go check it out. This time I brought my buddy and his trailer to avoid repeating my errors in evaluation and transport of mowers. First impression was that this lawn tractor was in decent shape, started easily and could handle high weeds and inclines without any trouble during my test drive

25 years old and looking good

The best thing was that this dude was only asking $200 for a 46" cut, 18 hp Lowe's mower; although it was just about as old as I am. I closed the deal, brought it home and called April out to brag a little. After a lil spin to showoff, I shut off the mower to say goodbye to my friend who had let me borrow his trailer. When I got back on, my bubble burst. Turning the key produced the ineffective, grinding whine of a broken starter and I knew then I had found yet another deal that was too good to be true.

I called back the guy I had got it from and let him hear the sound it was making, he told me to bring it by the next morning. At his workshop, I learned how to de-assemble the engine to access the starter, replace a starter gear and bearing and put it all back together again. It wasn't easy but it wasn't like performing surgery either and I pick things up a lot better when I can watch someone do it then do it myself. I felt a little less mechanically useless as I towed the fixed up mower home to finally get at the grass in the back orchard. With a beer in one hand and the steering wheel in the other, I navigated my way around peach trees and groundhog holes chopping down the high stuff with ease and thinking what kind of moron would have though they could do this spread with a push mower (that would be me).

freshly mown peach orchard

After putting up the wheel horse for the night, I slept soundly dreaming of all the mowing tomorrow would bring. Until I woke up the nest day, tried to start my grey tractor and heard the same weak grinding and no starting I was becoming all to familiar with. This time, the difference was me and I knew what to do. I took it apart, found a loose connection to the battery, tightened things up and added an extra nut to keep it together with all the vibration. With crossed fingers, I choked the engine, turned the key and heard the soul satisfying roar of my beast coming to life. I headed off to the front clearing, dropped the blade to putting green level and began making wide circles around the pasture. And then the deck belt snapped...

otto investigates why the deck belt failed