April loads a can of organic baby formula onto the checkout
stand at drugstore.
Teenage Register Kid with 3 pack-a-day voice: Dang
lady, yer baby’s got expensive tastes.
April: Well, this is just to supplement nursing so
it will last a while.
Register Kid: Still… you should try an’ make yer baby like
something cheaper.
April: I’ll take that into consideration.
Just like Jane Goodall & the Chimps
April: Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Teen girl: I like to do stuff for the environment. Like, I drink a lot of Cokes in the white cans 'cuz it helps save the polar bears.
April: Oh.
Do They Make a Supplement For That?
April (upon entering health food store): Hi, I’m looking for the homeopathic teething
medicine for babies.
Middle aged clerk (Simpsons Comic Book Guy doppelganger): There
(points at shelf)… I fixed it so I can’t
have kids unfortunately.
April (trying to not make eye contact): Uhh…yeah?
Middle aged clerk: Yeah, me and my friends used to do things
that made Jackass look like a bunch of grandmas. My friend and I jumped our dirt bikes at each
other one time, and they locked up together.
My leg got caught, and even though I was wearing a cup, it shattered and
my testicles got jammed up into my body.
April (studying the fish oil intently): Ouch.
Middle aged clerk: Yeah they had to take a metal hook and pull
them out of my abdomen (pantomimes said operation at groin)… and I hurt my ankle too. I had to walk a mile and a half out of there ‘cause
they couldn’t get an ambulance to me. You
know anything about the Jersey Turnpike?
We were riding on the marshland beside it. Yeah, I remember every step of that walk…
April (quickly hands money to clerk): Thanks,
have a good day.
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