Fat Dogs and Fit Humans

Clyde had a rough week.   He managed to break one of his fangs on chain link fence while trying to get at his nemesis, Chet the rooster.  We took him to the vet on Saturday wondering what could be done and how much it would cost us.  Clyde made fast friends with the Australian vet tech who seemed to be pretty fond of Blue Heelers.  Everything was going really well until I announced that Clyde was almost 70 pounds and I didn't think Australian Cattle Dogs were supposed to get much bigger than 45 lbs.  Turns out Clyde is clinically obese and his days of free feeding while we are at work are over, he'll be on one cup rations morning and night for the foreseeable future.  Adding to wide Clyde's misfortune, the veterinarian noticed the limp in his back leg that seems to come and go with no rhyme or reason.  Could be his knee or foot, we had his hips X-rayed when we first noticed the limp almost 2 years ago and nothing looked wrong with them.  So Clyde is now on a diet, taking glucosamine chondrotin pills and will be getting a silver tooth cap as soon as the vet can find one for him.  We were hoping for a gold or platinum tooth with some bling in it but he'd probably just wreck it chewing on the chicken fence.

April and I have grown tired of growing fat like Clyde (and the rest of Caldwell County) and decided to do something about it.  Our answer? P90X!  A couple of my dudes at work had started the program and after hearing what they had to say about it and watching them eat nothing but tuna, boiled chicken breasts and muscle milk for lunch every day this year; I decided to get on board the fitness train before it left the station.  We had originally planned on getting up super early to do the workouts at 5am before Munty wakes up, but sleep is a precious resource so we have given up our sacred evening TV and internet time in order to exercise for 60-90 minutes after she goes down to sleep at 7:30 instead.  We are almost 2 weeks in and feeling better and starting to see some changes already.  Clyde goes outside and sits on the porch with Otto when we work out, neither of them wants a six pack apparently.  I was trying to do a slow carb diet from The Four Hour Body by Tim Ferris along with the workouts but I soon discovered there is a limit to how many beans and whey protein powder shakes I can cram down my maw.  After 3 days of beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I opted to diversify a bit on the carbs.  My co-workers will be thankful I'm sure.

April and I got a new storm door for Christmas from her folks.  When we bought our actual front door 2 years ago, I wanted something that could withstand an attack by zombie bikers or mutant rednecks; so I opted for a steel door.  The guy at Lowe's told me we should get fiberglass instead since it would not get dented or scratched, but I looked over at April and was all like, "Yeah, but will fiberglass stop an AXE?"  She rolled her eyes and gave me the look that says you are a moron but I don't want you asking the Lowe's guy what door would better withstand an assault by zombie bikers so I am gonna let you win this one.  Anyways, the Lowe's guy was right; Clyde has been scratching the ever loving crap out of my steel front door.  Sometimes because he wants to be let back in when it's cold and sometimes because Blue Heelers are just jerks who do stuff like that to get back at you for putting them on a diet.  I don't think his claws are sharp enough to scratch glass, but I'm sure he will give it his best shot.  Back to the new storm door, our front door is narrow, only 32 inches wide; so we had to special order the storm door from Lowe's and wait three weeks for it to come in.  During our bible study on Sunday, we got the call that our new door had arrived.  I drove my truck to work on Monday so I could pick up the door after work.  I keep a few 50 lb hardened blocks of Quik-crete over my back axle in the winter for better traction in the snow & ice.  I was going to load the door so it hung over the tailgate but I thought if I hit any bumps that it might crack the glass.  I decided to move the cement blocks to the corners of the truck bed and lay the storm door flat, it seemed like the smart thing to do.  On the way home, the air was thick with fog and drizzly.  I took a turn with a little too much speed and hit a pothole which catapulted one of the cement blocks high into the air coming down with amazing accuracy smack in the middle of the all glass storm door.  I quickly turned around as it sounded like a meteorite had landed in the back of my truck and saw a block of concrete resting on the top of the storm door box.  I decided to just get home and wait to find out if the worst had happened.  It had.  I thought it would be a tough sell to try and return the door to Lowe's, "Well there must have been some sort of mishap in the warehouse, maybe a wrecking ball?"  The box was crushed in the center and had concrete dust embedded in it, I wondered if my credit card might have some type of insurance for acts of old testament God.  April googled the manufacturer of the storm door and it stated clearly that they do not offer any replacement glass for their doors, it seemed like we were looking at ordering a whole new door.  I decided to call them anyways and throw myself at their mercy.  Turns out the model we had, the 6000 series, was the only one you could get replacement glass for.  Thank heaven for small favors.  The new glass is on the way and April is planning on going with me to pick it up, just in case we run into any mutant rednecks...or potholes.

 Matildabeast & her clinically obese amigo