I am now entering my seventh week in the captivity of two giants. My attempts to communicate with them have been fruitless so far, despite trying varying the volume and frequency of my cries they appear to understand nothing. My every request is met with one of four standard responses: grabbing me and holding me at great altitude, removing my underpants and replacing them with a new pair, patting my back mercilessly with their giant paws or most often offering the same white liquid as a meal over and over again. It is clear that they have an excess of this gruel since the female giant usually pumps out extra after feeding me and then saves it for later in their cold storage closet. They clearly do not enjoy consuming this white fluid themselves as I never see either giant partaking of it, instead they feast on meats and cheeses and chocolate chip cookies. Although I have requested some of these giant foods many times, the ignorant beasts refuse to offer me any. My frustration grows until by evening time my only recourse is to wail relentlessly and shatter the peace & quiet they attempt to maintain in their lair. I am also now conducting experiments into the interruption of their sleep cycles by arising at various times throughout the night shrieking and force them (especially the smaller giant) to feed me or replace my undergarments in a zombie like stupor. I am hopeful that by depriving them of regular rest they may get sloppy and allow me a better chance of escape. The giants also keep two large hairy beasts in captivity who spend most of their time laying about and eating some gross variety of pelletized food and the occasional table scrap. These shaggy brutes seem to have had their spirits broken as they happily follow the giants around and do not attempt to escape even when they are released outside without supervision. They appear utterly stupid, especially the grey one with the vacant look in his eyes who runs in circles around the yard barking and howling at nothing in particular. The black beast appears older and slightly wiser, very economical with his movements and less prone to hysteria but my attempts to glean information on the giants security procedures have been unsuccessful. I am unsure if he is loyal to the giants or just cannot understand me but he seems content to remain in captivity rather than forming an alliance wedding his mobility with my superior intellect. I find it most unfortunate that I will not be riding off into the sweet sunset of freedom on his arthritic back.
The giants are easily amused and spend a great many hours staring at a screen with ever-changing colors and forms. The male giant especially enjoys watching other giants in garishly colored uniforms and padding running and crashing into one another and usually spends the better part of Sunday afternoon tabulating how many points the crashes are worth on his computer. The woman giant tries to put me in a mechanical swing so she can play some type of game where she attempts to replicate the postures and motions of other female giants on the screen all the while grunting and sweating profusely. I think I have heard her call it exercise but I have no idea what the giants intend to accomplish with their strange behaviors, although mostly tedious sometimes observing them can be fairly entertaining. One thing I especially enjoy is when they wrap me in the fabric straightjacket and allow me outside into the fresh air and sunlight, I find solace with the other captives whom the giants call "chickens" who are kept to provide the giants with white rocks that they crack open and prepare meals with. I, too, create delightful things from my bottom yet the giants just throw them away with my disposable underpants. Perhaps if I can learn to produce these white rocks, I can get moved outside with the chickens and have a better chance of escape...
our little jailbird in pink stripes
